Chemo Round 5: In the thick of it

Bleah, I feel like shit.

I'm tempted just to leave it at that but I guess I haven't posted in a long time, so I'll complain in a little more detail. Nauseous, achy, tired and cranky. That pretty much describes it at the moment. But since I'm here, I'll bitch about last week too.
The last half of Round 4 was ok, but I felt pretty sluggish. Turns out when I went for Round 5 they found that my red blood cells were low, which would account for the low energy feeling. I'm taking an iron supplement for that now, we'll see how it goes. My cheery disposition has been lacking a bit too. I think it's because even when the big obvious side effects wear off and I feel mostly alright, there are still so many weird little things going on with my body. Tingly tongue, sore fingertips, bloody nose, super dry skin, watery eyes. None of them by themselves is all that bad but collectively they are pretty annoying.
It actually reminds me of being pregnant, but without the joy.
That feeling like you aren't in charge of your body anymore and you're always discovering new little changes. In fact, with the weight I've put on around the middle thanks to the steroids, I even look like I'm heading into my second trimester. There are some positive similarities to pregnancy as well. You get to be special, everyone treats you extra nice, people want to do things for you. It's not all bad. And when I'm done, instead of bringing a new life into the world, I get to keep living mine. I'm the mother and the baby all in one. I've even got the hairless newborn look nailed. :)

I'm looking forward to the holidays and spending time with family and friends. Distraction is good. I'm almost to the point of being bored. It's not that there aren't things to do, it's just that I often don't have the energy or motivation to do them. Hopefully once chemo is done and I'm just doing radiation I can get to all those projects I have on my list.

Chemo Round 4: Over the Hump!

Just over a week past treatment #4 and I'm feeling pretty good! Surprisingly, I seem to have gotten over the hump this time quicker than last time. Though I would say that the hard part was harder this time through both physically and emotionally. Last Saturday was my hardest day yet, feeling both nauseous and really tired and just uncomfortable in my own skin. It was yuck. Sunday was a bit better and it has gotten better steadily since. Except for the strep throat. Jet tested positive last week, without ever really getting sick, and has been on antibiotics. I started getting a sore throat on Tuesday and all my doctors agreed that I needed to start on antibiotics too. I'm usually pretty hesitant to take antibiotics unless really necessary because I know they are often over-prescribed, but I guess I'm at the point in the cycle when my immune system is lowest and they were rather insistent.
My digestion has been pretty much fine this time through but it's my mouth that is having a rough time again. Not as bad as last time, I've been more careful about what I eat, but quite persistently uncomfortable. My sense of taste had come back considerably but is starting to diminish again.
And then there's my usually positive attitude which has definitely been showing some cracks. I occasionally have some dark hours when I feel weak and pathetic and ugly and dumpy and old. Or just really sick and tired of all of it and wanting it to be done. I guess that's to be expected. My gloominess doesn't usually last long though, rarely more than a few hours.

What's been making me happy this week is reconnecting with my kitchen! I've never been much of a cook, it doesn't come naturally or easily to me. But I took on a bunch of cooking projects this week and I actually really enjoyed it. I made my first ever cream of mushroom soup, cranberry relish from real cranberries, garlic hummus, sweet potato fries and pumpkin cupcakes (with fresh pumpkin) with orange cream cheese frosting! All of it turned out really good and it was nice to finally make a real contribution to my family's Thanksgiving dinner.

Behold my Pumpkin Cupcakes! They are delish!

So much to be thankful for, including having the time and leisure to work though my sh*t, the remarkable circle of family, friends and co-workers who sustain me, and most of all this:

End of Round 3: Half Way!!

I am officially half way through my chemo treatments, having finished 3 full rounds and starting round 4 tomorrow. This round was different in that the digestive disturbance was definitely less but the mild nausea and fatigue laster much longer, about 10 days. My sore mouth cleared up pretty quickly, basically as soon as I spent a bunch of money on products to help it (but before using them). I am much more aware now of the types of things that irritate my mouth (acids, sugar, alcohol - booooo) so perhaps I can avoid it getting so sore next time.

Speaking of mouths, some of my taste has come back! It had gotten pretty bland in my mouth. At the worst of it, I couldn't even taste a pickle. My experience of food was mostly just texture and let me tell you that peanut butter, which I love, really loses its charms with no flavor. It devolves into just a sticky paste in your mouth - yuck. But I am starting to taste things again, not as fully as normal but much more than a week ago. I don't know how long that will last, I expect that the next round of chemo will knock it out again.

The other crappy thing about this last round is that as soon as my stomach settled and my energy came back, I got slammed with a bad cold. I always get sick this time of year when the weather changes, so it wasn't too surprising. I think Jet has had the same sickness too. The first night I came down with a fever that did eventually get to the temp at which I am supposed to call my doctor day or night (100.5). But just as it got that high and I was thinking about calling, I decided to eat dinner first and that made me feel much better and brought my fever down. (yay miso soup!) I was nervous though and worried that maybe I wouldn't be able to fight it off. I imagined this battle raging inside me between some nasty virus and my poor depleted immune system.

Happily, my immune system won and when I had blood work done a few days later, my white blood cell count was just fine. So I guess my immune system is stronger than I thought. Though I haven't really felt like I'd kicked this cold until today, 9 days later.
I've have this terrible cough for many days but it has almost totally cleared up since I saw my energy healer yesterday! Total coincidence perhaps, but she worked specifically on my throat and lungs, which made me cough a lot during the session. Afterwards she said it would get worse before it got better and sure enough I coughed my brains out for about 20 minutes after the appointment but then hardly at all since. Pretty cool!

Even though I was sick, the past few days have been really great. I had the pleasure of spending quality time with a bunch of friends all on separate occasions, many of whom I don't get to see very often. All of whom shared wonderful things with me, like home cooked meals, books to borrow, planning and scheming, a massage, some retail therapy, a private yoga session, darling 6 week old babies to hold and just general great companionship. It was all so wonderful.
I am so blessed to have so many people who have offered to help me with "anything I need" and so far I thankfully haven't had too many needs (Though Alex N. and Andrea have been great about having Jet over on short notice). These days it seems I mostly just want to hang out with people.

So thank you Meena, Marie, Melissa, Barry, Alex, Paula, Megan, Jeff, Nicole and Helen for giving me just what I need. :) And to Christi for hanging out with me tomorrow as I start Round 4.
Half way there.

Chemo Round 3: My Mouth Hurts :(

It has been almost a week since my third chemo infusion. I had a lot of things planned for last weekend, even though I knew I wasn't likely to be feeling well, but you just can't reschedule Halloween. It turned out alright actually, I didn't feel too bad after all. I was expecting major diarrhea and gut wrenching bowel movements (GWBMs) like I'd had after the last 2 rounds and when that didn't happen, I turned to Gadget in a panic and said, "Oh no, that must mean I'm going to be constipated!" (the side effect I was told to expect) He said, "Maybe it won't be either one." That pulled me up short because I had never even considered that maybe it would just be okay. I has set my expectations for misery and it didn't even occur to me that I might be fine. And I was. No GWBMs or granite moving constipation. Hooray!
So the weekend was better than I expected but I have since been more tired than before. I've totally fallen off the wagon in terms of regular exercise or yoga, though I did make it to the gym today for a bit. The nausea is lingering longer this time though it isn't real intense. Just enough to make me feel.... bleah. Other new fun symptoms include extremely dry skin, especially on my face. I feel like I need to put moisturizer on every couple hours. And today's biggest complaint is that my mouth really hurts. It just feels tingly and raw all over the inside, like it's been scraped up. Fortunately my throat feels okay and it doesn't hurt to swallow. I'll get it looked at when I go for my herceptin infusion tomorrow.

On a happier note, I got my chakras balanced yesterday! There's an organization out of Stanford that matches up cancer patients with energy workers for free Healing Touch treatments and yesterday was my first session. Can't say I noticed a huge difference in how I felt before and after but it was a nice experience nonetheless. I will be seeing Doris, my energy worker, every Monday for the next 3 months!

Halloween Project: Success!

Most days I really can't account for how I've spent my time. But I'm trying really hard not to get caught up into a head space where I feel bad if I haven't been productive in some way. Today, for instance, I haven't left the computer yet, even though it is one of the last beautiful days of the year outside. But look, 2 blog posts in one day! Productive!

Anyway, one little project that I did manage to pull off this week was our Halloween costumes.
Ever since watching Game of Thrones months ago, I kept thinking that Gadget looked like Khal Drogo and how I'd love to dress him up like the savage horse lord. So Gadget agreed to be my dress up doll for Halloween and started growing out his beard. For months! Even though it was uncomfortable and hot and itchy. (Such a sweeatheart)
My Khaleesi outfit was easy, especially since she doesn't wear any makeup.
To make Gadget's outfit I got a couple of cheap leather coats from the thrift store to cut up and lace into a corset, make arm gauntlets, boot tops and front/back panels. Add a couple of my mom's old minks, a wig, beard extension, make up, paint and viola! My Sun and Stars!
We went to an awesome Day of the Dead/Wedding celebration on Saturday night for two very dear friends. Not everyone knew who we were, but those who did were really excited by our costumes!
Special thanks to Karen for the advice, the help and the tools.

Follow Up: Making Strides Walk

Shamefully, it's taken me a long time to post a follow up to the amazing Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event. It was truly a magical day. We had *beautiful* weather in Golden Gate Park, never something to be taken for granted, and a fabulous turn out of people. So many students and parents were there, even a couple of parents from Jet's class. Myself and a few students were scheduled to speak up on the main stage. I had been told via email that I would have 3 minutes to speak so I had prepared something to say but then when I checked in, I was told that it be interview style. Oh well, better than the other way around! So I was interviewed by Dr. Kim Mulvihill from CBS San Francisco and she was very cool. I managed to get in all the things I had wanted to say in my little speech anyway. Here is the link to the video of the interview, in all my bald glory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpdZrsUvy44&

Overall it was a stupendous day. I was so proud of all my students for coming out and of course very touched by all their care and support. The walk itself was a sunny 5 miles through the park. Gadget and Jet cruised along with us on a tandem bike, all of us in our pink t-shirts.

Thank you to everyone who was involved either joining the team or contributing funds or just for moral support! Overall, Team Newblanc's Vikings raised over $14.000 for the American Cancer Society, which puts 80% of its donations toward its programs of research grants and patient support. We can all feel pretty good about that. :)

Update: Making Strides Walk Against Breast Cancer this Saturday 10/22

Wow, this thing has gotten bigger than I ever expected! The Hillsborough community has really come out in force for this event, I'm totally overwhelmed by the support. It looks like team "Newblanc's Vikings" will have 40-50 people in it, most of them students. (who, to be honest, are receiving community service credit for coming so it isn't totally selfless) The school has paid for matching team t-shirts for everyone. I'm pretty sure we'll be the biggest, pinkest team out there. We've also raised over $10,000, which is pretty mind blowing as well. In fact, the organizers are so impressed with our numbers, of both people and $$, that they have asked me to speak at the event. (gulp!) I'm waiting to hear from their PR people for some direction on what they'd like me to say. We'll see, should be interesting.

You can still get involved if you'd like.
Here is our team page:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?team_id=1012762&fr_id=35954&pg=team

And here is a page with general logistical info:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY12California?sid=144435&type=fr_informational&pg=informational&fr_id=35954

For those of you planning to come, I look forward to seeing you and walking with you on Saturday!

Chemo Round 2: Feeling Good!

Two weeks after my second treatment and I'm feeling good. This round seems to be following the same pattern as last time. First two days after treatment are energetic from the steroids, followed by several days of achiness, GWBM's, nausea and low energy. This time I was at a yoga retreat during those tough days so I had plenty of distraction and it helped to be around good friends. The achiness and nausea were a little more pronounced this time around and I definitely noticed the emotional come down after the steroids wore off. But knowing it's a chemical side effect helps with the blah's.
By one week past treatment I'm feeling good again. I've been going to more yoga classes and feeling strong. I'm thinking about exploring Tai Chi.
Some new symptoms this round include headaches and losing much of my ability to taste. That last one is particularly sad making. :( The front half of my tongue, which detects sweet and salty, is the most effected. The sides and back, sour and bitter, seem to still be working. Hasn't slowed down my eating any but has definitely decreased my enjoyment of it.

I've mapped out the rest of my treatments and it looks like I'll be in my 'feeling good' phase for both Thanksgiving and Christmas! My last chemo treatment, barring any unforeseen delays, should be December 28th. New Year's Eve will probably not be so fun but it will be nice to start the new year with chemo treatments behind me.

BSP: Dance Video

Here's a video of my performance on Sunday. It felt really good to be dancing again. Overall a super fun show with lots of great dancers. Thank you to Dave, Jen, Michelle and Andrea for being there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUr28Ui_Hik

Blatant Self Promotion: Belly Dance Show Sunday Oct. 16th!

This is a bit late, but if your Sunday evening is free, come on down to Club Fox in Redwood City for a very entertaining evening of belly dance! The Red Desert Dance Company presents "Shake, Shimmy, and Shiver!!! A Halloween Belly Dance Spectacular!" We have an amazing lineup of great dancing talent. I myself will be performing just one brief solo during the first set but I will have a sword on my head!
Show starts at 6pm and will run about 2.5 hours with a short intermission.

There's a $10 cover at the door.
Here's the website for Club Fox: http://www.clubfoxrwc.com/

Chemo: End of Round 1/ Start of Round 2

I have to say that my first round of chemo went quite well. Some digestive issues at the beginning, as I mentioned before, but once that settled out I felt quite good for the second two weeks. In fact, last weekend I hosted a dinner party for 10! Cleaned the house, shopped, made dinner, the whole deal. No problem.
This bodes well for the remainder of my treatments because I've been told that the only cumulative side effect is the fatigue that usually comes about a week after treatment, everything else should stay pretty consistent. Well, I can't say I really noticed any fatigue this first time through so I'm starting at a pretty good place.

I had my Round 2 infusion yesterday, this time my awesome mother in law, Sherri, brought lunch and hung out with me. Today I'm feeling pretty good, got some shopping done, went to a meditation class, answered a bunch of emails, saw the chiropractor, visited my mom and went to dance practice.
And now getting a blog post done! Steroids are great!
This weekend I am going away to a yoga retreat in Healdsburg. It is being run by a dear friend at another dear friend's amazing home/retreat and will be attended by even more dear friends. This weekend is probably when I will be feeling my worst but I'd just as soon be feeling crappy in one of my favorite places with my favorite people. Gadg and Jet will be there too.

Hair update: head stubble is still patchy and weird looking, mustache and whiskers are disappearing (hooray!), eyebrows and lashes are hanging in there, leg hair isn't budging .....aaaaand looking more prepubescent by the day!

Activism

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and there are so many ways to be active in the fight against this disease. Here are just 3 I'd like to encourage.

1) Ladies, first of all be an activist on your own behalf. Don't feel bad for me because I'm the one who got it. I'm really just the first one among my community of friends. Odds are still 1 in 8 by age 75. So learn how to feel yourself up each month, eat well, sleep much, take care of and honor yourself. And get your damn mammogram. Speaking of which....

2) Women who have dense breast tissue, which is not uncommon, are more likely to have their tumors missed by a mammogram. A bill authored by state Sen. Joe Simitian, D-Palo Alto, to improve breast cancer detection has passed the California State Legislature and now goes to the governor for consideration. Senate Bill 791 requires that following a mammogram, patients with dense breast tissue be informed and advised to have an ultrasound or MRI.
The bill has made it through the legislature and is sitting on Gov. Brown's desk, he has until October 9th to sign or veto it
You can help get this important bill turned into law by calling or emailing your support of SB791 to Governor Brown .
Also check out the link to the website areyoudense.org

3) If you like more actual activity in your activism, come join Team "Newblanc's Vikings" at the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk on October 22nd in Golden Gate Park. My team was started by some wonderful parents in my school community. We have a team of about 20 parents and students so far, including myself, and we have reached about 60% of our fund raising goal.
There is no charge to participate in the walk and I'd love to have more folks join our team!
Here is the website:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?team_id=1012762&fr_id=35954&pg=team

Hair Watch 2011: The Shaving

On Saturday we had "Family Head Shaving Day". Jet balked and said he didn't want to be bald, so we let him keep the mohawk. I let Gadget use a longer attachment and I love how his shaved head and long beard/goatee make him look like some kind of sinister magician.
Today the little short hairs started falling out en masse in the shower. Hopefully I will be smooth soon because right now it looks all patchy and weird. And then I shall have a clean canvas. :)

Special Day

Today is very special because on this day in 1951 my mom and dad got married. 7 children, 11 grandchildren, 8 moves and 60 years

later, they renewed their vows this morning in church.
They have always stood by each other and by all of us through many ups and downs. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for showing us how it's done. I love you so much.

Update: Hair Watch 2011

Let the shedding begin! I could probably sit at the sink all day pulling out handfuls of hair, it's equal parts fun and disturbing. Instead I'm wearing a hat (thanks MJ!) so it doesn't get all over the place and going about my day.
On the upside, perhaps I will also lose my mustache, chin whiskers and the other hair I usually pay so much money to remove. :)

Bionic Vein

I had a little surgical procedure today to have a port put in my chest. It's basically a little device under the skin that allows access to my bloodstream, both for withdrawing and infusing. Since I'll be having weekly infusions, it is much more efficient and less painful to stick a needle through a thin layer of skin and into the

port than to have to find a vein in my arm every time. I'm all for that except that it makes this really creepy large bump under my skin.
(photo doesn't do it justice)
So.Not.Sexy.
Jet is really into the idea of people having robot parts (Luke Skywalker, Steve Austin), so when I was explaining it to him, I told him that they gave me a bionic vein.

Hair Watch 2011

So my hair is supposed to fall out soon but it hasn't shown any signs of it so far. I admit I'm feeling a little impatient. Not that I'm excited about it or anything, I'm just so ready. It's the one major chemo side effect that I'm totally prepared for. I shaved my head in college a couple times (and since) so at least I know I have a nice smooth round head. I'm ready to wear cute furry hats and pretty scarves and jeweled turbans with feathers and my son's dragon paintings. I'm ready to show off just how okay I am with it already. But then, you know, when it actually happens, maybe it will be a bit upsetting after all. Maybe I should be glad that my hair is hanging in there. In the mean time, I have been gradually shortening it. Can't really get much shorter now and don't want to pay for any more temporary haircuts. But I do really like it super short. That may just be the way it stays forever after it comes back.

Chemo: Round 1

I started my first round of chemotherapy last Wednesday, Sept. 14th. The experience itself wasn't so bad though it took a long time, about 5 hours. Everyone was very friendly and the infusion room is actually quite lovely as it has 2 walls of windows that look out into a copse of trees. I graded some papers, played with my new iPad (Crocker staff rules!!), and my mom brought me lunch. :)
In addition to the chemotherapy drugs, they also give you anti-nausea meds as well as a steroid to mitigate any possible allergic reactions to the chemo drugs. I didn't realize that steroids are actually quite a stimulant. So for the next couple of days I was flying high, very energetic, got lots of things done. Sat and Sunday were a little rough. I had a little bit of the body and bone aches that I was told to expect. I was also told to expect major constipation from the anti-nausea meds but instead I had the opposite. For about 4 days I had several gut wrenching bowel movements (GWBMs) per day, but that has been my most serious side effect so far. Other than the GWBMs, I have been feeling pretty good. In fact, the past 3 days or so I've been feeling very normal. I'm supposed to be experiencing some fatigue at this point but I can't say I'm any more tired than usual. I won't assume that it will always be this easy but SO FAR SO GOOD.

The Details

So here are all the details about my cancer.....
I had 2cm tumor that was classified as Invasive Ductile Carcinoma, which means cancer cells that started growing in the duct tissue but then spread beyond the ducts themselves. There was also an area of the tumor that was Ductile Carcinoma In Situ, which is where the cancer cells have remained within the duct, this is sometimes considered precancerous tissue.
On 8/19, the day before my 40th birthday, I had lumpectomy surgery where they removed the tumor as well as 2 of the sentinel lymph nodes, which are the first nodes that those ducts would drain in to.
After surgery, they analyzed the lymph nodes and tumor cells and determined several things:
-There were no signs of cancer cells in the lymph nodes -very good news.
-It is a grade 2 tumor (out of 3) which indicates it is moderately aggressive.
-It is an estrogen receptive tumor, which means that estrogen helps it grow. The downside of that is bye-bye IUD or any hormonal birth control. The upside is that there is a drug (Tamoxifen) that can target the estrogen receptors and greatly reduce the chance of recurrence.
-The tumor is HER2 positive which also indicates that it is aggressive, but there is also a targeted drug for this.
-There is evidence if lymph-vascular invasion, meaning that although the lymph nodes were clear, it is possible that cancer cells could have spread through my vascular system.

Any two of the above characteristics would have likely indicated chemotherapy as a treatment, with all of them there is no question about it.

So my treatment plan is as follows.....
6 rounds of chemotherapy with the drugs Taxotere and Carboplatin at 3 week intervals (18 weeks total)
One year of Herceptin infusions, weekly for the 18 weeks of chemotherapy, then every 3 weeks
Additional surgery after the chemotherapy is done because the margin of clear tissue around the in situ portion of the tumor was too small.
Then 5-6 weeks of radiation therapy just on the localized breast area
Then Tamoxifen daily for 5 years (pill)

That's all!

The Beginning

I found out I had breast cancer about 20 minutes before performing on stage in Vegas. I'd had a biopsy a couple of days before, after a routine mammogram turned up some suspiciously clumped calcifications. I had hoped to put off returning the calls from the breast center until after we performed but it was getting too close to 5pm. So I called to get my biopsy results at 4:45 and got the news; Invasive Ductile Carcinoma, likely Stage 1, very treatable. The show went on, we danced well but didn't win any prizes. (btw, this was no glamorous dance gig on a stage at the strip, we were dancing at a bellydance competition in a banquet room at Sam's Town. Totally cheesy but lots of fun.)
The rest of the weekend was rough not knowing anything more than that basic diagnosis. I couldn't reach my husband who was camping though I didn't want to until I knew more. I was so grateful to have my troupe with me, a group of strong, wise women who could support me, hold space for me and party with me all in equal measure. Marie was correct when she told me that this waiting time would probably be the hardest part. Having so many unknowns swirling in my head was emotionally exhausting. Mastectomy? Chemotherapy? Has it spread? My job? My kid??
Fortunately, it was only a couple of days before we met with a wonderful team of doctors who could tell us everything we wanted to know.