Happy Birthday to Me!

Oh wow, it's been 5 months since I've posted. Sorry about that. Quick version of the last five months..... Radiation went fine, no major problems and very little fatigue. Had a fabulous 2 week trip to Hawaii in May. Helped out at school teaching sex ed for the last couple weeks of the school year. It was fun feeling like a celebrity on campus! Been enjoying the summer with Jet, going on little trips, visiting family in Michigan. I've especially enjoyed reconnecting with some old friends that I've known since I was a kid and watching our own kids play together. On the medical front, I've continued receiving Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks and I only have 1 or 2 more. I started taking Tamoxifen in May and so far, so good. No real side effects. I also had a mammogram and ultrasound on both breasts on Friday and everything was clear! In general, I've been feeling pretty good. I'm trying to keep up with exercise and a healthy diet. Some days/weeks are more successful than others. In 2 days I will start back to work full time. I'm looking forward to being with my awesome coworkers again. And I'm looking forward to having a regular, consistent schedule again. But it will be quite a transition from the fairly relaxed life I've been leading for the past year to the fast paced, full steam ahead, suck-every-ounce-of-energy-and-brain-power-you-have daily existence that is teaching middle school. And today I turned 41. It's one year and one day since my first surgery. I don't feel like or think of myself as a cancer patient anymore. In fact, sometimes, it's hard for me to believe that it ever really happened. But even so, when I blew out my birthday candle tonight, my wish was 'no more cancer'. .

Radiation Begins

You would think that with all my free time, it would be so easy for me to keep up with my blog posts. But alas, the more time I have to do nothing, the more nothing I do. And there hasn't been all that much to report either.
All the cells in the tissue that was removed from the last surgery were healthy, so that's good.
I had all my preliminary appointments to get me ready for radiation in the last couple of weeks.
I got my little tattoos, two tiny black freckles, one right in the middle of my sternum and one over on the far side of my breast. The actual radiation treatments started yesterday.
The whole process is pretty simple. I change into a robe and wait in the special waiting room for the radiology dept. Then I go into a room with all kinds of machines and radiation warning signs and lie down on a table. I pull one arm out of the gown and raise it above my head. A red laser light shines down on me and the nice people move me around a little bit until I'm lined up just right. Then a big machine points at my boob from one side, makes some noise for a few seconds, moves to the other side. makes some more noise, and then I'm done. I don't feel anything happening but I guess it is because the nice people make sure they leave the room before the machine does its thing.
All pretty simple though I do have to go every weekday for 6 weeks. So no travel for me over Spring Break. Side effects I should expect are just skin reddening like a sunburn and fatigue. I've been given some special cream and told to apply it 4 times a day to help with the burning.
("Rub lotion on my breast 4 times a day doctor? If you insist.")
I'm also supposed to keep up with regular exercise to combat the fatigue but I shouldn't try to lose any weight. (hallelujah!) And I'm not supposed to wear a bra or go swimming/hot tubbing.

A funny story about that. I met another radiation patient this morning as I was coming into the center. We were sharing what kind of cancer we had and she asked me if I'd had to have a double mastectomy. I told her no, that I was really lucky and just had a lumpectomy but I wondered why she would ask that. Later when I caught a glimpse of how flat chested I look in my t-shirt with no bra, I realized she had asked that because I look like I've had a double mastectomy. Awesome.
Anyway, after 2 treatments, I'm a little sore and a little itchy but nothing major. Energy level is fine. (Hey I'm finally blogging, right?)
The best thing about finally starting radiation is that we can begin planning our done-with-cancer-treatment trip to Hawaii! So if you need me in the first half of May - that's where you'll find me.

Post-Op

Well, surgery on Thursday went swimmingly. And the recovery has been super easy! Like surprisingly, remarkably easy. As in the day after surgery I walked a couple miles going into town and back, made dinner and only took ibuprofen once. Then the next day we threw a birthday party for Jet and 20 friends and then later got dressed up and went out to a grown up birthday party until late that night! Also awesome is that my boob looks fine. After the warning my doctor gave me I was prepared for a bid dent or something but it looks just the same as before. :D
Now I just have to wait for the pathology report, which I should get in a few days.

Surgery Next Week

Another month gap in posting. No real excuse this time just not that much going on. There was some debate over whether or not to proceed with my second surgery. My surgeon got some second opinions from her "tumor board" and I had another mammogram to help clarify whether or not it was necessary to go back in to remove more tissue. She said that the results weren't conclusive but that her gut feeling was that we should do it. I figure she's the hot shit surgeon that every raves about being "the best", so if her gut feeling says do it, then I'm not going to object.
She did warn me that it would not come out as cosmetically nice as the first surgery. That first surgery actually came out amazing, way better than I expected. Except for a couple scars, my boob hardly looks any different than before. I guess after this next one it will probably look a bit deformed but at least I get to keep it.
So I'm scheduled for this coming Thursday morning (2/16) not so conveniently just 2 days before Jet's birthday party. I was up and around pretty quickly after the last surgery and this one should be even easier so I'm not too concerned about it.
Other than that, I've been feeling fine. Energy level is pretty good, I try to get some exercise almost every day. Usually it's just walking or hiking or an occasional Zumba class. Finger tips are still tingly, finger nails are still separating from the nail bed but I don't think I'll actually lose any. (but man do they look disgusting) My muscles feel real tight most of the time but that is slowly getting better. The hot flashes continue but are getting less frequent. I think my ovaries may be coming back on line.
I've been reading a bunch and going out to lunch a lot. Getting errands done and making dinner more often. Pretty simple stuff. More importantly, I'm much more accepting of how I spend my time and not feeling guilty for unproductive days. That's a small breakthrough for me.

I've also got some hair growing on my head! But I'll save that for another post. :)

DONE WITH CHEMO!!!!

Sorry, it's been an entire month since I posted. I will use the holidays as my excuse and I'm sticking with that. It's been an eventful month though!
After my last pitiful post things got much better. I had a couple of weeks of feeling quite good. During those two weeks I spent a wonderful, relaxing weekend at Harbin Hot Springs with a large group of good friends, had a great time with my dear sister and awesome nieces who were visiting from Michigan, and celebrated Christmas.

Then on Dec. 28th I went in for my LAST chemo treatment! Hooray! (Thank you, Jen Gebbie, for hanging with me :) Interestingly, during that last treatment, I had an allergic reaction to one of my chemo drugs. A few minutes after they hooked up my last bag of fluids for the day, my palms and soles of my feet started to get really itchy. When I mentioned it to my nurse he immediately turned off my IV and then quickly switched out my chemo drug for a bag of liquid bendryl. I guess some people can have pretty serious, even anaphylactic, allergic reactions so they are real quick to respond. Mine cleared up with the benadryl and didn't pose any more problem other than the need for a serious nap. I assumed that any kind of reaction would happen the first time you received a new drug but apparently you can develop a hypersensitivity to some drugs over time. Fortunately this was my last treatment so they don't have to worry about finding a different chemo drug to replace that one.

New Years Eve was a few days after my last treatment and I didn't have high expectations for my ability to stay up late and party. But I rallied and dressed up fancy for a great party hosted by my friend Nicole. I had a blast and basically just ignored the parts of me that weren't feeling good. I didn't get to bed until almost 4am!

Last week Jet and I spent a few days in Bakersfield with our dear friends, the Hawkers. It was great to just hang out and be mellow and let the kids play together. The other fun thing about Bakersfield is I get to visit with my old friend Bill. He and I dated 25 years ago and just reconnected last year. (thank you Facebook)

I also got a wonderful present! A big group of friends pitched in and got me a beautiful Spirit Hood, which is one of those big furry hats with the long scarf and pockets. But this is not one of those cheap knock offs you find at Target, this is one of the fancy, original ones.
It is super warm and super cute and I love it! (and I had fun taking silly pictures in it!)

So tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my last treatment and I'm feeling pretty good. Just a couple of lingering side effects. One is tingly fingertips and sore nail beds. Sometimes walking is painful on my toes and I think I might lose one fingernail. I still have the weepy eyes which is mostly just annoying. My energy level is so-so but I have managed to be pretty productive the last couple of days. And then there's the hot flashes, which started during the last round.
I get them pretty frequently and they sometimes keep me up at night but they actually make me thankful that I'm bald. Taking off my hat helps cool me off very effectively. I wish I could say I'll be done with the hot flashes when all the chemo wears off but they are also a side effect of the Tamoxifen that I'll be taking for the next 5 years.

The next phase of this battle of mine will be another surgery and then radiation. I don't know about the timing of those but I should in a few days. I meet with my surgeon on Thursday and my oncologist on Friday. But for now I'm focusing on getting back into some regular exercise, eating more reasonably and creating a more regular schedule for myself. I'm thinking of looking into some volunteer work and maybe an education class to earn some units.

Even though I still have a ways to go, I feel like the worst is past me. I can't even say that any of it has been truly horrible. Distinctly unpleasant for sure, but not horrible. And I'm surrounded and supported by such wonderful, loving people from every facet of my life; family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, medical staff, just everyone. Even in the midst of all this cancer bullshit, I still feel totally blessed.

Chemo Round 5: In the thick of it

Bleah, I feel like shit.

I'm tempted just to leave it at that but I guess I haven't posted in a long time, so I'll complain in a little more detail. Nauseous, achy, tired and cranky. That pretty much describes it at the moment. But since I'm here, I'll bitch about last week too.
The last half of Round 4 was ok, but I felt pretty sluggish. Turns out when I went for Round 5 they found that my red blood cells were low, which would account for the low energy feeling. I'm taking an iron supplement for that now, we'll see how it goes. My cheery disposition has been lacking a bit too. I think it's because even when the big obvious side effects wear off and I feel mostly alright, there are still so many weird little things going on with my body. Tingly tongue, sore fingertips, bloody nose, super dry skin, watery eyes. None of them by themselves is all that bad but collectively they are pretty annoying.
It actually reminds me of being pregnant, but without the joy.
That feeling like you aren't in charge of your body anymore and you're always discovering new little changes. In fact, with the weight I've put on around the middle thanks to the steroids, I even look like I'm heading into my second trimester. There are some positive similarities to pregnancy as well. You get to be special, everyone treats you extra nice, people want to do things for you. It's not all bad. And when I'm done, instead of bringing a new life into the world, I get to keep living mine. I'm the mother and the baby all in one. I've even got the hairless newborn look nailed. :)

I'm looking forward to the holidays and spending time with family and friends. Distraction is good. I'm almost to the point of being bored. It's not that there aren't things to do, it's just that I often don't have the energy or motivation to do them. Hopefully once chemo is done and I'm just doing radiation I can get to all those projects I have on my list.

Chemo Round 4: Over the Hump!

Just over a week past treatment #4 and I'm feeling pretty good! Surprisingly, I seem to have gotten over the hump this time quicker than last time. Though I would say that the hard part was harder this time through both physically and emotionally. Last Saturday was my hardest day yet, feeling both nauseous and really tired and just uncomfortable in my own skin. It was yuck. Sunday was a bit better and it has gotten better steadily since. Except for the strep throat. Jet tested positive last week, without ever really getting sick, and has been on antibiotics. I started getting a sore throat on Tuesday and all my doctors agreed that I needed to start on antibiotics too. I'm usually pretty hesitant to take antibiotics unless really necessary because I know they are often over-prescribed, but I guess I'm at the point in the cycle when my immune system is lowest and they were rather insistent.
My digestion has been pretty much fine this time through but it's my mouth that is having a rough time again. Not as bad as last time, I've been more careful about what I eat, but quite persistently uncomfortable. My sense of taste had come back considerably but is starting to diminish again.
And then there's my usually positive attitude which has definitely been showing some cracks. I occasionally have some dark hours when I feel weak and pathetic and ugly and dumpy and old. Or just really sick and tired of all of it and wanting it to be done. I guess that's to be expected. My gloominess doesn't usually last long though, rarely more than a few hours.

What's been making me happy this week is reconnecting with my kitchen! I've never been much of a cook, it doesn't come naturally or easily to me. But I took on a bunch of cooking projects this week and I actually really enjoyed it. I made my first ever cream of mushroom soup, cranberry relish from real cranberries, garlic hummus, sweet potato fries and pumpkin cupcakes (with fresh pumpkin) with orange cream cheese frosting! All of it turned out really good and it was nice to finally make a real contribution to my family's Thanksgiving dinner.

Behold my Pumpkin Cupcakes! They are delish!

So much to be thankful for, including having the time and leisure to work though my sh*t, the remarkable circle of family, friends and co-workers who sustain me, and most of all this: